you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
