Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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