where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
