the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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