Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
