This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
