Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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