We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
