Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
