My brain says no but my pants say off.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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