My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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