she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
