How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
