I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
