Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
