Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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