So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
