So drunk its hurt
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
