I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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