If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
