strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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