So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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