Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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