She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize