My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
