I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
