Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
