I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
