Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
