HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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