why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
