He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
