I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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