im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
