I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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