Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
