Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
