All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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