I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
