I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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