I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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