i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Randomize
