im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
