Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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