he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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