it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i need some magic done to my vagina
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
