We named our party play list daddy issues
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
