I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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