no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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