at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
