I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
