Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
