Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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