He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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