please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
