the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
