Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
