dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
