I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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