How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
