Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
