this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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