remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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