John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
