The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
