I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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