is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
