she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
