he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
