How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
