Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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