Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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