Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
There are leaves in my underwear?
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