ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
