It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
