i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
