I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
