Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
