A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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