Fuck appropriateness.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize