Im at strip club and am horny
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
