ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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