how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
