i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
