I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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