you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
