so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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