Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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