Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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