WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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