Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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