he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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