you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
