Your face is a jimmy john
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
