The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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